Time is a good healer

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I feel exhausted, shattered, upset… Putting on a face so no one knows how you feel. Wanting to say how you feel but you don’t want to be a burden, losing concentration in my work.

I feel lost, as though i have no one even if I am surrounded by close family and friends.

I need peace, clarity and to live in serenity.

Making baby steps to make a life for myself and just moving away from my past, it’s hard saying bye. Mum saying I should be a big girl and not cry, if only she knew.

Trusting people was always difficult, so I don’t trust no one, it’s true what people say “even your shadow disappears in the dark”.

I can’t live to the standard of my family, I can’t am a black sheep amongst the herd. I keep chanting to myself “in time things will be better” but it doesn’t. I have become so pessimistic- I don’t like this person I have become.

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London escape!!

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When I was at London, to visit a few galleries I never quite appreciated my surrounding but now I look at the architecture of some of the buildings in Central London and am astounded at how beautiful it all looks.

Every now and then a city escape is good for ones soul, being away from a known place and going into the unknown can be quite adventurous, however I must say I do hate using the London Underground.

Chocolate Fanatic, Food Pyramid

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Chocolate Fanatic, Food Pyramid

When I had the opportunity to do sculpture, unlike my peers i didn’t resort to using materials such as cardboard or stereotypical materials such as clay, I used chocolate. In class our focus was on dwelling, i thought outside the box and thought “food is my dwelling” its my comfort, so i made a pyramid out of malteser chocolate. I chose to use chocolate after looking at the artist, Anya Gallaccio, the idea of being enclosed in a surrounding smelling so sweet, it is as though your in a trance through the sense of smell.

Memoirs!!!

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#Ideas#

From the start of this photography course, i have been excited to learn new skills and play around with images, but i needed a concept, and a theme to play on. My mind stream endless ideas like focusing on my surroundings, or capture images of moving water in ink, or even the idea of creating a stop motion of my day routine, but i ended up deciding to go for something different. I explored out my own home, i explored a little further away from Coventry and returned back to my hometown, my place of serenity and stillness. I wanted to capture jolly good vibe as Christmas draws close, and took photos of the German Markets. I chose this concept because it was cheery, and most importantly it made me feel homely. Even in the dark, seeing the lights from the German Markets, the nutcrackers, i felt like a child- i reminisced days of me being a young girl and wishing for a white Christmas and having my family around me as well as the presents. Waking up to my mums cup of tea, these images may not be important to other people but they are important to me, it brought me back to the days where i felt warm whereas since i started uni i have been feeling rather cold and distant.

Life has thrown a lot on me, but during the winter, the connotation of Christmas, brought joy to me. I think of how i waited excited to see my dad that Christmas night, i would stay awake till 2am until my dad came back from work so that i could eat his food. He would only cook the one time at restaurant and bring back the food as he was a chef, he didn’t really cook at home (he was far to lazy to carry on cooking at home) but when he brought his special dishes from work, that topped it off for me… the aroma of his tandoori chicken (i’m from a traditional Asian family, we don’t tend to have turkey) and me and my big brothers use to fight for the meatiest part of the chicken, ahh the fights. Christmas wasn’t just about the laughter it was about the banter and the fights and arguments and tears. It was the only time where i would see my whole family together. But as i grew older, that slowly started to disappear. 

Taking these photos and remembering these moments was quite self healing, yes, i cried a little, but who wouldn’t. 

For My Future Grandchildren

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So thought provoking and inspiring to many people!!

Reclaim the Warrior

I want my future grandchildren,

and those that come after,

to say that I was fierce with heart.

I want them to know

that every action that I took

was mindful of their future existence,

that I was not merely a woman of resistance,

but a woman of vision.

To say that I didn’t just use my eyes to see

what was wrong in the world,

but used my hands and my heart to change it.

I want them to know

that grandma broke cy-cles

that I broke sweat to manifest dreams

that I broke bread with my enemies

that I broke open every morning

unafraid of the brilliance that I held inside.

I want them to say,

that I was never pushed down by criticism

and my ego was never elevated by praise

that I lived with the acknowledgement

that one day…

they would take their first breath, first…

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